For instance, I can say I have a God who is all-knowing, perfectly wise, whose ways are best and works all things out for my good. But will I completely entrust myself to His loving hand when things are difficult, or will I question His wisdom? If I doubt His goodness when things don’t happen the way I would like, am I really living out that truth I say I believe?
I recognize that fear, along with idols, have kept me from fully surrendering to God. I have not trusted God as fully as I thought and doubted His wisdom and plan—even though I would not have said that. I believed the doctrine in my head, but struggled to apply it. Now I realize that I must lay my whole life in His hands for Him to use me; I have to be a living sacrifice, willing to do whatever He desires.
Over the past years God has tried to teach me to trust Him (through various moves, challenges…) but I still had fear I was clinging to that was holding me back from really being able to say “Here I am, send me”. There were things I didn’t want to give up because I was afraid of what it could mean for me. But God wants me to trust His wisdom and plan and give myself wholly to Him, whatever that means for me. After all, I should count my life as lost compared to the unsearchable riches of knowing Christ, right?
"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."