Tuesday, October 30, 2012

The "Future Husband List"

How many of you girls have one of these? Yes, I have one too. I don’t think it’s a bad idea, and in fact think it can be very beneficial. Keeps the necessities in mind, so you aren’t as likely to fall for any guy (but then, that’s a heart issue, so we can’t think that if we have a list we’re invincible). It also reminds you of the important things that are indisputable; things that must be in place. Yet in creating such a list, you have to be very careful. It’s easy to come up with unachievable goals for our future husbands. We have to realize that while we should have some standards for a husband, he’s not going to be perfect. Even if he does happen to meet all of the things on your list, he’s still gonna be a sinner, and so are you. We may have preferences that have become “musts”. Thinking our husband must meet all those will generate discontentment when we realize that he won’t. We will have to be flexible, so we can’t set our minds on having a husband just like we imagine him.

There are however some things that are not flexible, things that you need to know now that you need in a future husband.

These are indisputable things like:
-He must be a true believer in Christ Jesus, and be committed to serving Him in any way He calls
-He must have a dynamic relationship with Christ Jesus, evidenced by his prayer life and service to others
-He must be a man of integrity
-He must look to God for wisdom, and be quick to turn to the Word of God for answers
-He must treat his mother, sister(s), and other ladies around him with respect and honor

And for me, it also includes things like:
-He must be reformed in his theology
-He must see ministry as part of life (whether that’s full-time ministry or not)
-He must respect and honor his authority, even if he disagrees with them

Additionally, I do have preferences that I would appreciate in a husband. But while I have things I would prefer to have in a husband, I try to be careful not to focus on those things, because God may give me someone completely opposite of what I desire in order to build character in me, and if I determine I must have a certain kind of husband now, I will set myself up for disappointment later.

Above all, I desire to marry a man who loves the Lord with all his heart, soul and mind, whose life is completely devoted to God, and who is passionate about sharing the marvelous truth of salvation. Because those are the most important things. In a godly marriage, two people come together to serve God in a greater way together than they can alone. A godly marriage displays the beauty of the gospel (Eph. 5:31-32). Marriage is not merely for romance and to meet your desired needs. It is for the glory of God! Our lives are to be lived to the fullest for God's glory, whether that's in marriage or singleness. He then determines where you would best serve and glorify Him, and we can then joyfully submit to knowing that God's way is perfect and good.


Monday, October 15, 2012

When You've Reached "the Age"

I find some of the questions and comments I’ve gotten humorous since I am now “old enough” to get married. No boyfriend? No wedding plans? No prospects? (By the way, I’d like someone to clarify what “prospects” is supposed to mean; are they asking if I’d marry any guy I know? If there’s someone who I know that might want to marry me? If someone is pursuing a courtship with me? Or what?…)

It’s even funnier when people you just met tell you that they’ll be on the lookout for potential spouses for you. While most of the comments I’ve received have been in jest, I think there is a level of expectancy amongst Christian homeschoolers to pursue marriage as soon as they finish high school or college and to marry as young as possible. What else are young single girls supposed to do anyway?

I am perfectly content with where the Lord has me right now. I feel no obligation to marry within the next year and don’t despair that there are no wedding plans around the corner. I don’t feel like an old maid destined to singleness. Ten years ago I thought I could be married by twenty, but now that I've reached that age I don't feel like I'm behind or feel a rush to marry soon. But neither am I “planning” to stay single for the rest of my life; I would love to get married. However, while marriage is a worthy pursuit and spiritual and physical preparation crucial, I do not believe it is the only thing in life, or worthy centering my world around.

Christ is the only one worthy of all our complete devotion. Seeking Him and deepening that relationship is the most important thing I can do in life. If my soul is happy in Him and trusts Him fully, it won’t make a difference if I get married next year, in 10 years, or not at all. If God wants me to get married, He’ll make it clear when it’s time.

“Above all things see to it that your souls are happy in the Lord. Other things may press upon you, the Lord’s work may even have urgent claims upon your attention, but I deliberately repeat, it is of supreme and paramount importance that you should seek above all things to have your souls truly happy in God Himself!George Muller