Tuesday, October 30, 2012

The "Future Husband List"

How many of you girls have one of these? Yes, I have one too. I don’t think it’s a bad idea, and in fact think it can be very beneficial. Keeps the necessities in mind, so you aren’t as likely to fall for any guy (but then, that’s a heart issue, so we can’t think that if we have a list we’re invincible). It also reminds you of the important things that are indisputable; things that must be in place. Yet in creating such a list, you have to be very careful. It’s easy to come up with unachievable goals for our future husbands. We have to realize that while we should have some standards for a husband, he’s not going to be perfect. Even if he does happen to meet all of the things on your list, he’s still gonna be a sinner, and so are you. We may have preferences that have become “musts”. Thinking our husband must meet all those will generate discontentment when we realize that he won’t. We will have to be flexible, so we can’t set our minds on having a husband just like we imagine him.

There are however some things that are not flexible, things that you need to know now that you need in a future husband.

These are indisputable things like:
-He must be a true believer in Christ Jesus, and be committed to serving Him in any way He calls
-He must have a dynamic relationship with Christ Jesus, evidenced by his prayer life and service to others
-He must be a man of integrity
-He must look to God for wisdom, and be quick to turn to the Word of God for answers
-He must treat his mother, sister(s), and other ladies around him with respect and honor

And for me, it also includes things like:
-He must be reformed in his theology
-He must see ministry as part of life (whether that’s full-time ministry or not)
-He must respect and honor his authority, even if he disagrees with them

Additionally, I do have preferences that I would appreciate in a husband. But while I have things I would prefer to have in a husband, I try to be careful not to focus on those things, because God may give me someone completely opposite of what I desire in order to build character in me, and if I determine I must have a certain kind of husband now, I will set myself up for disappointment later.

Above all, I desire to marry a man who loves the Lord with all his heart, soul and mind, whose life is completely devoted to God, and who is passionate about sharing the marvelous truth of salvation. Because those are the most important things. In a godly marriage, two people come together to serve God in a greater way together than they can alone. A godly marriage displays the beauty of the gospel (Eph. 5:31-32). Marriage is not merely for romance and to meet your desired needs. It is for the glory of God! Our lives are to be lived to the fullest for God's glory, whether that's in marriage or singleness. He then determines where you would best serve and glorify Him, and we can then joyfully submit to knowing that God's way is perfect and good.



God'sGirl said...

Allison, God completely directed your words and timing with this post. I was just discussing this very topic with one of my close friends. I was telling her how I had become so caught up in the "Future Husband" mindset with my list. How I became so focused on the meticulous things and stopped focusing on character and spirituality. I was too busy looking for "The One" and had stopped letting God work in me to be "The One". I finally decided that it would be best for me, personally, to throw away my list. I defiantly have kept the "musts"; must be a Christian who seeks and has a passion for God and people, must love God more than me (even if it hurts) and be willing and obedient to go wherever God calls him, must have a calling for ministry, and other similar ones that all pertain to his relationship with God. I still have those "musts" in my heart. I found myself no longer trusting God to lead me, or vice versa, to the "One", and instead started "boy hunting". Thank you so much for this post. God is good and may He continue to use your writings to bless others.

Allison said...

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Meredith! I understand your reasons for throwing away your list. I think as we get older we see things in different ways and get a tad bit wiser. I hope that's the case, anyway! :) I chunked the list I wrote 5 years ago and re-started, because I felt like it was just best to really have the most important things.